RedNoseDayJokes
Here is a selection of the very best boob related jokes for Red Nose Day 2009! Please be warned, some are a bit rude!
Our favourite joke is this one!
Do you sit unnoticed on the sidelines while others are picked?
Try the latest scarf fashion and you too will be the centre of attention..................
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A wife as she looks in the mirror, says to her husband 'I'm fat, old and wrinkly and my boobs hang down to my knees' he says nothing, so she says 'say something nice' so he says 'at least there is nothing wrong with your eyesight!'
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Three Kinds of Bras
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'
'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what the types were.
The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'
Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'
The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other?
A: "We'd better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A young girl goes to the doctor complaining of trouble with her breathing. The doctor takes out his stethoscope and listens to her chest. “Big Breaths” he says. “Yeth” the girl replies “and I’m only thixteen”. :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What's the difference between a fried egg and a melon?
The first girl hasn't tried max cleavage :)
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Q. What kind of Bees produce milk?
A. Boobees!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.
It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts". She says "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you".
He replies "I would pay you $10 just to see one of them". She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.
He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw....I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time".
She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by". He answers "Great did he leave the $20 he owed me"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
‘’Why are the Millennium Dome and a Wonder Bra the same?
They look big on the outside but there’s not much on the inside’’
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A husband and wife were laying in bed one night. The wife got up to go to the bathroom and look in the mirrior. She complains to her husband, "My boobs are to small!!" The husband looks at her and says,Just take toilet paper and rub them every day. As the months went by she went back to the mirror again. And said the same as before. The husband says laughing, "It worked for your butt."
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
The Black Bra
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my dreams. I love you." Then, we made love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office, and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos, and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Q) Why is it called a wonder bra ?
A) Cos when she takes it off you wonder where her tits have gone
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Man is in Amsterdam and is asked by a Madame if he wants to feel a right t1t?
Man says yes and is told to go into a room and strip naked. He is then told to go through another door in the room.
The door leads him outside into the street where he is obviously embarrassed at his nudity. He is met with cries from the madame of “I bet you feel a right t1t now!”
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it She said...You wear pants don't you?
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed:
A ... Almost Boobs
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed. One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?''
He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
2 neighbours are talking at the garden fence.
Bill: Hello Brian, how’s the wife?
Brian: She just been diagnosed with acute angina actually Bill
Bill: Well I must say she has a good pair of Boobs too!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
New Wonderbra
The designers of Wonderbra, encouraged by the success of their bra for under-endowed women, have developed a bra for overly-endowed women. They've named it the Sheep Dog Bra. It rounds them up and points them in the right direction!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Between Their Breasts
What do older women have between their breasts that younger women don't?
A navel.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom Blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44 DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The Bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It Hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The Bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the Beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick Her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor Moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it?, he moans.
'Because he has.............
A LICKER LICENSE!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old." The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
God created woman, and she had 3 breasts.He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you'd like tochange?" She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?" God snapped his fingers and it was done.She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,"What am I going to do with this useless boob?" And God created man.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Blonde Breast Stroke
A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English Channel Breast Stroke Competition.
The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived.
The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, "I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used their arms."
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A YOUNG MAN MARRIES AN 85 YEAR OLD WIDOWER FOR HER MONEY,BUT FIND OUT SHE IS A NYPHOMANIAC, AFTER 2 YEARS OF SEING HERE NAKED AND HAVING TO PERFORM EVERY NIGHT WHICH MAKE HIM SICK HE DECIDES TO HAVE HER KILLED SO HE HIRES A HIT MAN AND EXPLAINS WOT HE WONTS DOING AFTER A FEW DAYS HE CONTACTS HIT MAN AND ASKS HIM HOW HE IS GOING TO KILL HER, THE HITMANS REPLY IS THAT HE HAD BOUGHT A SHOT GUN AND WAS GOING TO AIM IT AT HIS WIFE JUST UNDER HER LEFT BREAST, ON HEARING THIS THE HUSBAND EXPLAINS THAT HE WONTED HER KILLED NOT KNEE CAPPED HA HA
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A builder takes on a new apprentice who is female. He asks her if she knows builders sign language as it can be too noisy on site to hear. He tests her by asking her what item he wants. He shows 5 fingers then clenches his fist. "No problem" apprentice replies "that's a 5 pound hammer." Next day on site the builder shows her 5 fingers and then clenches his fist. Apprentice instead of passing him up a hammer grabs her left breast then her bottom and then her pubic area. Builder climbs down to speak to her. "What's all this nonsense? I wanted a 5 pound hammer." "Well" said the apprentice I was telling you "I left tit, behind, in tool box!!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
After fake boobs start to sag, what do you call the cleavage? Silicon Valley
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What do u call a Chinese woman with a saggy boob? Wun Hung Lo
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I`ll give these two a lift
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What is the definition of an American bra? One yank and it's off
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
This woman of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.
After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.
The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.
The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
“Nice gazongas,” says the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A lady walks in to a cafe with her left breast exposed. The embarrassed waiter says, "Er, madam, cough, er, have you forgotten something?" The woman follows his gaze downwards and exclaims, "Oh $%^&, I've left the baby on the bus."
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast.....she farted and flew out the window!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
There was a young lady of Cheam Who tried some Breast-Growing cream She awoke in the night With a terrible fright For another had grown inbetween
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Our favourite joke is this one!
Do you sit unnoticed on the sidelines while others are picked?
Try the latest scarf fashion and you too will be the centre of attention..................
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A wife as she looks in the mirror, says to her husband 'I'm fat, old and wrinkly and my boobs hang down to my knees' he says nothing, so she says 'say something nice' so he says 'at least there is nothing wrong with your eyesight!'
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Three Kinds of Bras
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'
'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what the types were.
The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'
Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'
The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other?
A: "We'd better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A young girl goes to the doctor complaining of trouble with her breathing. The doctor takes out his stethoscope and listens to her chest. “Big Breaths” he says. “Yeth” the girl replies “and I’m only thixteen”. :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What's the difference between a fried egg and a melon?
The first girl hasn't tried max cleavage :)
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Q. What kind of Bees produce milk?
A. Boobees!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.
It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts". She says "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you".
He replies "I would pay you $10 just to see one of them". She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.
He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw....I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time".
She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by". He answers "Great did he leave the $20 he owed me"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
‘’Why are the Millennium Dome and a Wonder Bra the same?
They look big on the outside but there’s not much on the inside’’
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A husband and wife were laying in bed one night. The wife got up to go to the bathroom and look in the mirrior. She complains to her husband, "My boobs are to small!!" The husband looks at her and says,Just take toilet paper and rub them every day. As the months went by she went back to the mirror again. And said the same as before. The husband says laughing, "It worked for your butt."
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
The Black Bra
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my dreams. I love you." Then, we made love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office, and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos, and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Q) Why is it called a wonder bra ?
A) Cos when she takes it off you wonder where her tits have gone
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Man is in Amsterdam and is asked by a Madame if he wants to feel a right t1t?
Man says yes and is told to go into a room and strip naked. He is then told to go through another door in the room.
The door leads him outside into the street where he is obviously embarrassed at his nudity. He is met with cries from the madame of “I bet you feel a right t1t now!”
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it She said...You wear pants don't you?
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed:
A ... Almost Boobs
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed. One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?''
He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
2 neighbours are talking at the garden fence.
Bill: Hello Brian, how’s the wife?
Brian: She just been diagnosed with acute angina actually Bill
Bill: Well I must say she has a good pair of Boobs too!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
New Wonderbra
The designers of Wonderbra, encouraged by the success of their bra for under-endowed women, have developed a bra for overly-endowed women. They've named it the Sheep Dog Bra. It rounds them up and points them in the right direction!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Between Their Breasts
What do older women have between their breasts that younger women don't?
A navel.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom Blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44 DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The Bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It Hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The Bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the Beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick Her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor Moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it?, he moans.
'Because he has.............
A LICKER LICENSE!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old." The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
God created woman, and she had 3 breasts.He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you'd like tochange?" She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?" God snapped his fingers and it was done.She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,"What am I going to do with this useless boob?" And God created man.
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Blonde Breast Stroke
A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English Channel Breast Stroke Competition.
The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived.
The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, "I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used their arms."
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A YOUNG MAN MARRIES AN 85 YEAR OLD WIDOWER FOR HER MONEY,BUT FIND OUT SHE IS A NYPHOMANIAC, AFTER 2 YEARS OF SEING HERE NAKED AND HAVING TO PERFORM EVERY NIGHT WHICH MAKE HIM SICK HE DECIDES TO HAVE HER KILLED SO HE HIRES A HIT MAN AND EXPLAINS WOT HE WONTS DOING AFTER A FEW DAYS HE CONTACTS HIT MAN AND ASKS HIM HOW HE IS GOING TO KILL HER, THE HITMANS REPLY IS THAT HE HAD BOUGHT A SHOT GUN AND WAS GOING TO AIM IT AT HIS WIFE JUST UNDER HER LEFT BREAST, ON HEARING THIS THE HUSBAND EXPLAINS THAT HE WONTED HER KILLED NOT KNEE CAPPED HA HA
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A builder takes on a new apprentice who is female. He asks her if she knows builders sign language as it can be too noisy on site to hear. He tests her by asking her what item he wants. He shows 5 fingers then clenches his fist. "No problem" apprentice replies "that's a 5 pound hammer." Next day on site the builder shows her 5 fingers and then clenches his fist. Apprentice instead of passing him up a hammer grabs her left breast then her bottom and then her pubic area. Builder climbs down to speak to her. "What's all this nonsense? I wanted a 5 pound hammer." "Well" said the apprentice I was telling you "I left tit, behind, in tool box!!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
After fake boobs start to sag, what do you call the cleavage? Silicon Valley
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What do u call a Chinese woman with a saggy boob? Wun Hung Lo
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I`ll give these two a lift
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
What is the definition of an American bra? One yank and it's off
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
This woman of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.
After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.
The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.
The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
“Nice gazongas,” says the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
A lady walks in to a cafe with her left breast exposed. The embarrassed waiter says, "Er, madam, cough, er, have you forgotten something?" The woman follows his gaze downwards and exclaims, "Oh $%^&, I've left the baby on the bus."
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast.....she farted and flew out the window!"
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)
There was a young lady of Cheam Who tried some Breast-Growing cream She awoke in the night With a terrible fright For another had grown inbetween
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)